2) Walk into people and don’t excuse yourself. Gently bumping into someone on the sidewalk or even pushing them to the point that they lose their balance is nothing to apologize for. If you want to blend in, you should actually try to bump into others.
3) Put your Metro map away. Enough said.
4) Don’t wear sneakers and white socks. These were the wise words from the po-pos in the security meeting. While you’re at it, ditch the baseball cap, the camera, and the fanny pack. But that’s just if you don’t want to be an American tourist.
5) Be late. By 9:00, I really meant 10:30.
6) Talk with your hands. If they are still while you speak, you’re doing something wrong. Hand gestures convey just as much meaning as the words themselves. When in doubt about how to say something in Spanish, wave your hands around like you’re talking about something important.
7) Vale. That is the one word you need to know to get by. It means “okay” and you can answer questions and fill awkward pauses with it. It’s a question, a statement, and exclamation all in one.
8) Douse yourself in perfume. A whole bottle should suffice.
9) Do not refrigerate anything perishable. That would be ludicrous. And potentially healthy.
10) Never use [the side of] your fork to cut food. That’s what a knife is for. Obviously.
